I want to love you. That's all. I want to spoil you. I want to love you, and all your crazy, and everything that goes on in your head. I want you to be mine. I want to show you that you're worth it and not everybody leaves. Not me, anyway. How could I, when I finally found what it is I was looking for?
I'm the one everybody leaves, you know.
I hope you can find you. I hope you can figure out what it is you want and need. I want it to be about you. I want you to be happy. I'm a little afraid that I'm not really what you want, and you want to work that out. I don't want to be the backup. I'm always the backup, you know? The second choice. I also don't want you to choose me just because you feel bad or because you don't want to hurt me. I don't think you would... I think there was a time that you would, but I don't think you would do that now. I try so hard to keep from being sad, you know?
I want to be your person. I want you to be mine. I hate these walls we have had to put up. It's like a part of me has been taken from me. When I finally decided to take off all the "filters" for you, it was a wonderful day. But now... now I don't feel like I can fully be me. It's not your fault. It's not the end of the world. It's just not easy, and I hate it. I know what it's like to not have those with you, and that was incredible. I miss it. I miss you. I miss being yours.
I know. I always get sad somehow. I fail at not doing so. But you, my dearest, you are the most important to me. I want you to be happy. I want you to be loved. I want you to be ok. I want you to have your dreams come true, and to have someone who wants to spend their life trying their damndest to make all your dreams come true. I would. I want you to be taken care of. No, you don't need it... most of the time. But sometimes... sometimes you do. And yes, you *do* deserve that.
You are beautiful. I love you.
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