I'm miles from where you are

I'm miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground
I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms
-Snow Patrol

I heard this song a few times recently, and I had to look it up. The sound of it... was beautiful. It was one of those things that was just so sad and lovely. I hadn't really heard the lyrics at all, I just fell in love with the music of it. But then I heard all the lyrics, and oh my... it was so beautiful. So sad and so beautiful. It's my song for my Juliet, who I cannot be with.

Last night I was with her. For the first time in 3 weeks, I finally got to see her again. I took her out for dinner, since we had missed Valentine's Day. Gave her the gifts I had gotten her while I was gone. And then... had to tell her that we couldn't spend time together until she is ready to be wholly mine.

Let me just tell you how much that sucks.

She understood. She agreed. There is no way that she can figure herself out and work out her own stuff with me there telling her how much I love her all the time. It's scary to not do that. It's scary to not text her, to not call her, to not leave her messages and remind her how much I love her. I hate this. I hate not being with her. I hate not talking to her. I hate... missing her.

Thankfully, I have lots of friends who I am going to surround myself with. I have lots of time I need to spend at the gym. I have lots of things that I need to be doing to keep my mind off the fact that I hate being without her.

When you find that one person that knows you better than you know yourself... without you even having to tell them some things. She knows things about me that I don't even recognize in myself. I don't know how she can read me that well. But then... I read her the same way.

This is going to be really, really hard.