well. I'm almost through week 2 of the diet. It seems to be going pretty well. I've saved a lot of money, that's for sure. Last week, I lost 5 lbs. I don't know where I'm at this week, if I will lose anything. But... I do feel like I am doing much better. I am eating healthier, I am eating less, I am exercising more. I go out with friends and I might have a beer or two once a week. My friends ordered chips and salsa yesterday, and I had all of 3 chips.
it's killing me a little bit.
I *love* food. It's not right that all the good food is bad for you and has tons of calories. I want some ice cream, man! A cheeseburger, a pizza... to eat it down on some chips and salsa or hummus or something. But I am good. Stuffing yourself isn't good. It's ok to eat whatever you want, it's just not really ok to eat huge portions or not eat vegetables and fruit. But... dear goodness, I want a milkshake.
I miss the pretty girl. I... cannot be with her now. Not anymore. Not unless she is willing to be with just me and only me. Oh, I'm so afraid that she never will. I'm so afraid that I will not be enough. The way I love her, how much I love her, will not be enough. I have barely spoken to her today, and it is terrible. My heart misses her. My heart cries quietly, as I have lost my love. I don't know what to do without talking to her. Without making plans with her. Without seeing her or telling her how much I love her.
I now just wait. She goes on a trip next week, to see her best friend. I am so afraid she will go up there, and then come back, and just... well.
I'm ready for things to be different. I'm ready for her to choose to be mine. Will that ever happen? :\ I have no idea. I hope. I hope every day. And I hope it doesn't take her long to realize that I'm what would make her happy. Oh, how I hope...
So much to do. So much to get done. So much... that I wish she wouldn't miss.
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